What Fear Taught Me About Courage (and Confidence)
Wouldn’t it be great if we stood our ground every time fear showed up?
Unfortunately, for most of us, that’s not the norm. Fear can feel overwhelming—like a wall between us and the life we want to live. But it doesn’t have to stay that way.
Fear doesn’t just paralyze. It can teach, reveal, and even empower.
We’re All Wired for Fear
Fear is one of our earliest instincts. We’re born with it. It keeps us alive.
When we feel threatened, our body reacts—fight, flight, or freeze. Our heart races, adrenaline surges, and we suddenly have the strength to run or react without thinking.
That’s a good thing. But here’s where it gets tricky.
As we grow, we start developing fears that have nothing to do with survival:
Fear of failure. Fear of rejection. Fear of being seen.
And those fears? They can feel just as real—if not more painful.
The Fear of Failure Starts Early
I saw this play out in my son’s first-grade class. The students were taking their first spelling test. They had to number their own papers and many got confused. One little girl was so upset she cried. Through tears, she told me, “I messed up my test. I got half of it wrong.”
That fear—of doing it wrong, of failing—is already there. And it’s heavy.
Luckily, the teacher was compassionate. She retested the class with pre-numbered papers, and everything turned out fine. But it struck me how young this fear shows up—and how real it feels, even when the stakes are low.
Everyone Has a Failure Story
The teacher shared her own story: she once missed a college exam because she showed up at the wrong time. She panicked—convinced she had failed the class. Thankfully, her professor gave her another chance. She passed, and she never missed an exam again.
It reminded me of my own moment of failure—one that changed everything.
My Biggest Failure (And the Strength I Gained)
While working on my dissertation in graduate school, I was riddled with fear:
What if I fail? What if I’m not smart enough? I don’t belong here. I’m a fraud.
Despite the doubts, I pushed forward. I wrote, researched, formed my committee, and prepared to defend my proposal.
Then I failed.
Not just symbolically—officially.
I was given a few options:
a) Walk away with a Master’s.
b) Switch to a different program.
c) Redo the proposal with major revisions.
None of these felt right. So I created Option D: start over from scratch with a new topic and a new committee.
It was terrifying. But walking into my chair’s office that day—nervous, shaking, scared—and calmly stating that I was choosing a new path? That moment changed me.
I walked in fearful. I walked out strong.
And for the first time, I felt just how far I’d come.
What to Do When Fear Takes Over
Fear will never fully go away—and that’s okay. It’s not meant to. But it can stop running the show.
Here are a few things to try when fear starts taking the wheel:
1. Practice Acceptance
Fear is normal. You’re not weak because you feel it. Resisting it only makes it stronger. Accept it, and it starts to loosen its grip.
2. Zoom Out
Ask yourself:
How big is this really? What’s the worst-case scenario? Can I handle that?
Often, the fear is disproportionate to the actual risk.
3. Name It to Tame It
Say your fear out loud or write it down. “I’m afraid of ___.” This alone can help you feel more grounded and less overwhelmed.
4. Redefine Failure
Instead of aiming for perfection, aim to learn. If growth is the goal, failure becomes part of the process—not the end of it.
5. Find a Grounding Phrase
Choose a mantra that calms and centers you.
“This too shall pass.”
“I’ve gotten through worse.”
“I won’t back down.”
Repeat it as often as needed.
Final Thought: You Have a Choice
Fear can either hold us back—or move us forward.
It can be a threat—or an invitation.
It can shut us down—or open something new.
The choice is always yours.
So… what fear are you ready to face today?
